The Motherlands

You had this project. I'm sure of it. Unless your class had lots of people who didn't know who their fathers and/or mothers were, which would make the whole thing really awkward for everyone.

The project: your family tree. In third grade they make you fill it out with names. "Dude, your mom's name is Tiffany? That's so weird, man! My mom's name is Agnes!" "Woah!"

In sixth grade, though, you're supposed to find out more. What were their names, and where were they from? "Well that's easy; my parents were born here, and their parents were born here too."

For me, the problem came as a high school freshman. This was around the time they invented (because I'd never heard it before) the word "Geneology" - as in, "Hey, Ted, do you know where your great-great-grandparents are from?" "I can't talk now, Chris, I have to look up what the fuck 'geneology' means."

In freshman english class, we were assigned this task: Find out where everyone's ancestors were born, and write out the stories your family has about them. The assumption inherent in this assignment is that your family knows these things and has stories to share.

This was not the case in the Ross household. I made some calls but got nothing more solid than "well, some English some German but mostly just wandered about a lot." And stories? I had bullshit. I did not turn that assignment in; I was a great student, and part of being a great student means that you can blow off pointless things like geneology and field trips in Ag Science to see cows get castrated. Still got over 1300 on my SATs.

So from there on the issue was settled: I'm American as far as I know, which isn't very far.

Fast forward now to 2006, when I happen to catch the World Cup just as it's starting. "Oh," I said, "the world cup! I've wanted to watch it but never found out when they have it! How lucky I am indeed!" (it's every four years in the summer, by the way - the next is in 2014, women's world cup 2015)

So I follow it, even after the US is eliminated; Mexico went on a little longer I think, so I caught all those games I could (Tulelake is about 50% hispanic, mostly Mexican-Americans, so having the game on in the store where I worked was good PR as a bonus). But then the final... Zinedine Zidane! This was the guy I'd felt a baseless connection to - a character from Final Fantasy 9 was named Zidane, so as a geek new to soccer Zidane became my favorite player based on that. Plus they kept talking about him, since it was his last game. "Way to go out on a high note, eh?" But then, Kapow!







This was the last thing the man ever did in professional soccer: his retirement game, the World Cup Finals, and bam, red carded off the field. I couldn't believe it.

I was hooked.

That was also the year I met my wife, so she had most of four full years of knowing me before being forced to enjoy another World Cup. Yeah, there's US-league and other league soccer, but I just can't get as interested as I get with international soccer. I don't know why. But I love watching the World Cup, I love the qualifiers, I love it all.

I don't remember who I decided to pull for once the US and Mexico were both out; probably Italy, since they were in our group, but I don't remember now. But I do know who I pulled for in 2010.

(from Wiki)

That, of course, is the Holland Lop rabbit, native of The Netherlands. And it's adorable. Don't you want something cute and Dutch to snuggle with now?

I don't know exactly how it happened; maybe I saw a couple games and was impressed, but I think not. I think I was fascinated by a country called "The Netherlands", whose capital is called "The Hague" - maybe I like the idea of having a "the" before important things. Maybe I like a country that has completely different words for itself depending on context. 

"Where you from?" 

"The Netherlands."

"Oh, a Hollander, eh? You Dutch make the best chocolate, don't let anyone say otherwise."

"Thank you sir, you are clearly well-informed."

So I called my mother (this was sometime between the Round of 16 and the semi-finals, I believe) and asked, "Is there any Dutch in our ancestry?" "Yes." "Cool. I'm Dutch now." "You can't just decide that." "Bye!" "Wai--"

And it's not like any other ancestries were being useful to me. You know who else is Dutch? Dick Van Dyke. Don't you wish you were Dutch too? Well maybe not; you probably have your own ancestry, and I suppose it has some cool famous people as well. But we have a pretty good soccer team. Not to discount the US team; they're great and still my favorite to watch, not to mention share a country with. 

Not much has changed since I decided to be Dutch. I have an ancestral cuisine - German and Polish is about all I can actually get to for entrees, but nobody desserts like a Dutchman. Who invented the donut? A Dutchman (even if you believe the BS myth about a ship captain spearing his sweet roll on the wheel, it was still a Dutch vessel). Who invented waffles? A Dutchman. Who invented Dutch Process Cocoa Powder? Guess.

I have an imaginary Old Country somewhere in Europe that I can visit, or say I'll eventually visit but never do. And if we ever do go toward Europe, Ireland will come first; for one thing, Kathryn actually knows more or less how Irish she is and which branches of her family tree are rooted there. Plus it's a beautiful country and I have a special weakness for their beer, colcannon, and bangers. Still, but part of my heart will always be Dutch, just like it's always been for nearly two years.




**** Author's Note: Fixed an error in here a couple days after publishing it. I'd said that the World Cup was every leap year. That is wrong. Completely wrong. Both happen every four years, but they never, ever, coincide.