Flicker of Inspiration - "Note to Self"

Dear Self:

Allow me to introduce yourself. I'm me, from about 10 years in your future. Your first piece of advice: study grammar, especially regarding subject pronouns when the first person and the second person are the same person.

You're, what? A junior now? So that means you're still an idiot about women. Well, don't sweat that! For one thing, there's not a damn thing to do about it. For another, the women you know now aren't worth your trouble. Harsh, right? Well they're not. You're all kinds of hung up on that Jennifer girl, but let me tell you: not worth it. Oh, she might be worth it if you actually did something, but you're too damn shy for that. Also, not to be overly blunt, but she's not that into you. As a friend, ok, but more than that I can't promise. Get over it, move on, you have many more important things to do. Women aren't your problem, you just think they are because you're 16. I have that situation under control, so you can just leave it for the next five years or so. (oooh, death sentence, right? Well, you'll live. And it'll be worth it.)

What I want you to do is this: that story you're working on? Don't delete that. It's basically the only substantial piece of written word you've actually accomplished so far. It's not that great and it'll never be fit for publication, but damn it it's worth saving, if only to serve as a reference point for the future. Your characters need a hell of a lot more development, and you spend way too much time on your magic/technology mechanics. You should probably think about how you want to end it, too; the big, flaming Clash-of-the-Titans thing ends up being a dead end. Your setting is the problem, actually; no matter the scope of the battle, it's limited by the setting, so it's never going to have real impact. Shift the focus. Or just start something new. But don't trash it, even though it's completely awful. You know it is, so don't be insulted.

Meanwhile, you're not fat yet. Don't worry, you won't get super fat or anything, but if I recall correctly you're still safely under 175 at least, right? Well, after high school, you won't be working out that often, you know? I would suggest getting membership at the Honker gym, since that's going to be the main source of exercise for you for the next two years, but you probably won't. Anime and manga will take too much of your time. Still, it wouldn't kill you to get something better than corn dogs and macaroni and cheese to be the two central staples of your diet. Just saying.

And while I'm here questioning your decisions, why don't you learn to drive? Would it kill you? Don't say "yes." It's not that bad, you're just being lazy. If you manage your money better and don't spend like $600 a week on anime and manga you could probably afford a car. As I recall, just about every penny you make goes toward anime or manga or something, you're not saving for college or living on your own. Not much ambition in you now, is there? I've got the future under control, but if you could do just a little, like I don't know going to college once you graduate, cutting some of the crappier manga from your purchasing plans, maaaybe saving a little... it would help. Anime and manga aren't your future, sorry. If you have a future in the creative arts, it is not in consuming them, trust me; there's not much of a job market there. You seem creative; create! If you could stick to that a little, that would help me a lot too; working out those muscles you let atrophy has been a serious pain in my ass, pun intended; I don't care if all you do is fan fiction for Dragon Ball Z (hell, you could probably plot better than the original, I wager), just do a little something to get some creative experience so that I don't have to make up for all your lost time.

You don't know what's coming for you, so let me break it down in small words so you'll understand why it's important to actually try a little now and then. You will not live in your parents' back yard forever. You will grow up. You will meet someone. You will get married. You will move out of your parents' house and well beyond their ability to help you in any convenient way. Oh, those were big words, let me back up a little. You grow. Be big man. Get marry. Much happy. No screw up. Me smash. Face ugly. You no want. Me no want. Be all happy, work good.


Oh, and one last thought. The hair. I know you don't have a good reason. It doesn't look good, I know this for a fact. From what I can guess, it will only look worse once your bald spot starts growing in. Snip snip, kid.  Save yourself some grief.

~J.

The Great Exchange: Dancing on Hemingway's Grave

I'm about half way through The Sun Also Rises, which seems to be about youth and that most unfortunate time when you, an adult, have to admit to yourself that you are in fact an adult after all. That's my take so far, and my prediction of the general point. Foreshadowing with the younger party people early on, maybe.

So far, though, it's mostly about drinking and partying, with quite a little off-stage sex thrown in, plus one really nice fishing scene. As I was reading through this, I thought to myself, "Wow, a whole bottle of wine is a lot for one person to have with lunch. Who else do I know that drinks like that?"

I don't know anyone, personally. But I know of such people. They're all over TV. To maximize contrast, we'll limit the comparison to the cast of Jersey Shore.

Oh, a hundred thousand English majors just had an attack of nausea. I did too, it really hurts me to make this comparison. When Katie gets to me, it'll probably hurt again. Still, we're calling a spade a spade here. These people party and drink constantly, and there are references to apparently casual sex between near-strangers happening offstage. Jersey shore is a bit blatant about it, but the behavior is remarkably similar.

How can such a thing be possible? Ernest Hemingway and Snookie with only one degree of separation. Scary thought. Let's talk about what makes The Sun Also Rises proper literature while Jersey Shore is trashy drivel.

Both works (though I use the term at the extremity of its definition in the case of Jersey Shore) feature a remarkably pervasive touch-stone for American readers/viewers: watching rich people party and screw around. The difference is that Hemingway's characters are wealthy expatriates gallivanting around Europe; The Jersey Shore people just hang around in the urban scene, get drunk in clubs, etc. In The Sun Also Rises, characters have deep introspective and insightful thoughts about their self and others; in Jersey Shore, people just hang around in the urban scene, get drunk in clubs, etc. In The Sun Also Rises, people have real problems, like not-at-all-humorous war injuries, falling in love with the wrong people, complete lack of self-awareness and how other people see you; in Jersey Shore, people just hang around in the urban scene, get drunk in clubs, etc. Sometimes they do it in Europe too, perhaps strengthening the relationship, but in the end, they just hang around in the urban European scene, get drunk in clubs, etc. Am I generalizing? Yes I am. Does Jersey Shore deserve better? ... nope. Don't think so.

How do they both reach this point of similarity? I think that the people in The Sun Also Rises may be at a similar place, socially, as the Jersey Shore people are, in a sense. They're basically independent, fairly free of consequences (an illusion for Jersey Shore, but in Paris, there's the laissez-faire legal doctrine to blame), technically adults but not really living with all the obligations that a normal "adult" person generally has, and the alcohol is there for the drinking. None of the characters drink a whole lot alone; they're drinking socially, and in Hemingway they're often buying drinks for each other (by the bottle, usually). Most importantly, they're all drinking to avoid their problems. The characters in Jersey Shore are avoiding the problem of their own existence, and I don't blame them; in The Sun Also Rises, they have very real, life-defining problems they don't want to think about, almost without exception.


So far, with The Sun Also Rises (which I'm half way through):

I like Jake Barnes, the viewpoint character; of all of them, he seems to be the most self-aware person, the most comfortable and accepting of his position and problems. That doesn't stop them from being problems, of course; I'm still kind of curious how everything works out for him, but in a way I feel like he's there as much to be the reader's viewpoint on the situation as he is part of the plot itself. He's kind of a people-watcher, within limits, but he also enjoys quiet and peace like he gets when taking an afternoon nap on a hot day after a productive bit of fishing. Of all of them, I suspect Jake the most capable of handling himself sober, but the man really likes to drink. I think the main reason he needs to be drunk is so that he can deal with everyone else.

Brett is a bit of a mystery; rather free with her feelings and sexuality, probably because she can't have the one man she really wants. Kind of a pitiful character, and I predict that either (a) she'll go off and marry her fiance, unhappy but willing to be content (or rather, unhappy but with plans to keep partying and drinking as much as possible), or (b) she takes off with someone and things end rather badly. It's also possible, though less unlikely, that Cohn's obsession takes a dark turn and his boxer muscles end things even more badly than option b. That's a couple degrees off the obvious solution, so whatever is one step further is probably what actually happens. I suppose that would be running off with some second-tier character like the guy who went fishing with Jake, and things end rather well. Pretty unlikely, but just possible.

Robert Cohn is so annoying, partly because he reminds me of the way I was in high school. I remember what it's like to think you're in love with someone (and being wrong) and feeling attached for no rational reason; I had that sort of thing sorted out by the time I turned 17 though. Cohn is what, 35 or so? Kind of a shame, they're all so pitiful. Cohn is also the only one in the party who doesn't drink at all. Even without all his other annoying qualities, that in itself would make him an outcast in this group. Why does he attach himself to the group then, you wonder? I wonder that too. He's like the kid who can't help but take the empty seat at the wrong lunch table in grade school. "Why are you here, turd kid?" "Eating lunch." "We don't like you, you shouldn't have sat here." "Oh. Well, you're not really nice." And yet he stays. It's some combination of ignorance, blindness, and persistance. That kind of personality can start churches and win elections. Poor Cohn, however, insists on trying to write books and hang around at cafes with expatriates in Europe.

That's it for now, gonna go ahead and read a little more. My next post for The Great Exchange might come after I've finished the book.

Flicker of Inspiration - Baggage Carousel #6

I didn't participate in the Flicker of Inspiration Prompt last week; I was working to finish up class for the quarter, and it sucked away all of my creativity. To make up for it, I'm making sure that this week is especially awesome.


The prompt:

This week we want you to take a song, any song you like, any song that inspires you, and transform that song into a story. Sometimes songs will already have a story, sometimes they will only hint at one, sometimes the story will be your own memory of hearing the song, and your job is to write that story down. Interpret the song of your choice and turn it into prose. Explore where the lyrics take you, where the melody tells its tale, be it fiction or memory, and share it with your fellow lightning bugs.

Truth time: I did this once already. Sort of. My first entry, (badly) titled "Samson's Third Battle", was in fact originally inspired by "Name of the Game" by The Crystal Method. The original interpretation of that song kind of went in an odd direction (dead end), so I let the draft sit and mellow for a while. In the mean time, I listened to the song a few more times, not always trying to revise the piece but open to inspiration, at least. Eventually, an alternate story line emerged in my mind. I wrote. It worked better. I shared the result.


The process, from the initial spark of inspiration to the final click of "publish post", took maybe three months.
This time, I have one week. I'm going to have to be more careful about actively digging plot holes, to say the least.


Song selection wasn't easy. There are a few songs kicking around my brain that kind of inspire certain plot lines, but for the most part they represent plot points for a larger work that I'm working on; I don't really know how it all fits together yet, so I'm letting them continue to stew in the recesses of my brain. It's a process, and it works for me.
So I needed something new, that is (a) inspiring but (b) hasn't inspired me yet. Spent a lot of time with my iPod since I found out about the prompt topic. Turns out you can't just ask for inspiration and expect to get it right away. Stingy ass muses.
Long story short, the song that finally asserted itself in my psyche with a story is a classical piece, composed by Edvard Grieg for the play Peer Gynt - titled, "I Dovregubbens hall" or "In the Hall of the Mountain King." 
Also, though I've never been to the London Heathrow Airport and thus can't say whether it fits my setting, I am indeed very worried about the baggage-retrieval system at this airport, so maybe I get double credit for including two songs, eh?

Aftereffects of reading Freakonomics

I read Freakonomics recently; rather, when this posts, I will have finished it about two months ago or so. It was good, I recommend it. I think this essay response for my Sociology class, which I will have finished by the time this posts (it's on a scheduled delay, did you figure that out?) was influenced by it, and I ended up creating an interesting economic system for a potential world I have yet to build:
The question was about the functional theory of social stratification, which is really boring. The content to follow has been edited for both academic and artistic integrity. And I'm delaying its posting, so when you ask me about it on the street like so many of you will, you might have to jog my memory as well.

The Great Exchange: A Preview

All the best events in history began as a bet. Robin Hood fought the tax collectors of Prince John on a bet. Columbus sailed the Atlantic on a bet (which he lost, incidentally). Winston Churchill won a bet, along with World War 2. John McCain, in a very "She's All That" bet, chose Sarah Palin as running-mate. Bets make history.

So let it be with The Great Exchange, which is what I'm calling the two-person book-trade-off-club-event my wife and I have decided to do. Here's how it's going to work:

At Katie's suggestion, we agreed that we should both dip into eachother's literary pool, so to speak, and read something well out of our typical comfort zone and expand our horizons a bit. To that end, she has recommended a book to me, and I have done likewise for her.

I will be reading The Sun Also Rises by Earnest Hemingway (on Kindle)

She will read The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (in Paperback)

The Name of the Wind is over 700 pages long, so in fairness I'm only asking her to commit to the first 251 - the same length as The Sun also Rises (in print form). Honestly, fifty pages is probably enough to set the hook properly, but if it hasn't caught her by 250, when the real meat of the story is being served, then it simply isn't going to happen, and I will understand if she doesn't wish to continue.

Meanwhile, I know exactly nothing about The Sun Also Rises, which I expect is a good thing. Clean slate and all that. I imagine that elements of the story have been archetypical plot structures in "a very special episode" editions of sitcoms or other shows; you don't become such a well known title (which has, if nothing else, been adapted into the Family Guy episode "The Son Also Draws") without having other influence; knowing nothing about the story, I wouldn't know it if I'd seen the story played out a hundred times before; perhaps, while reading the book, I will recognize in it the origin of a hundred loose threads scattered through our culture. Something similar happened to me when I read Gift of the Magi; before, the stories that were directly lifted from its plot seemed simply ironic, but once I read it I understood that they had a common origin.

We will post comments and opinions about the books as we read them. The Great Exchange is scheduled to begin this very weekend; we both have our books, and with any luck we'll both have time to read some.

Why is it that when we "spruce up" a room, we no longer use spruce boughs? What with pine- and lemon-scented cleaners being the current standard, why don't we pine or lemon rooms up now?

J. James Ross - Hell yes I'd sign a check with that

My parents gave me a wonderfully adequate name - Jeremy. It's a great, three-syllable name (when you say it right). I don't really know why they chose it; so far as I know, none of their children got names shared by other family members, except maybe middle names (I can't be the only Ross with a James, but Sarah might be the only Leonard). I suspect that they're guilty of using a baby name book. Everyone uses those though, so no worries there.

Jeremy Ross is a fine name, I like it, it's served me well. Unfortunately, it's not available as a domain name. Some other Jeremy Ross, herbalist and cool guy with an awesome name, got to it first. I tip my hat to you, sir, and bid you happiness on your domain.

Alas, where does that leave me? I want to be published as an author; I want to be awesome, and to have awesome readers who want to visit my awesome website. But when they go to JeremyRoss.com they'll just get tips about herbal remedies and alternative medicine. Useful, yes! But not what they're looking for. Worse, they may be SO engrossed in the activities of this other Jeremy Ross that they may think - GASP! - that he is the famous author, in addition to being a famous herbalist! In the end, I get no credit. Woe. Such woe.

I can't get the domain. Well I probably could buy it, but it would cost money. If I get published, and the publisher wants me to be Jeremy Ross (my preference, of course), they are free to spend as much money as they want to get that domain from the other Jeremy Ross. Right now, all I want is a paperweight - a domain that I know is mine, in my name, a name I could happily publish under.

And so, I present to you all, J. James Ross - myself! and my website, http://www.jjamesross.com/.

Let's try that out in a few contexts.
"Gypsum and Sawdust" by J. James Ross
"Styrofoam Rooftop" by J. James Ross
J. James Ross presents: "Please Be Mindful of the Gap"
"If I ever see you again" by J. James Ross

"And this one time at Band Camp" by J. James Ross
"Not Just a Cigar" by J. James Ross
"I know J. James Ross, and you, sir, are no J. James Ross"

Based on the NY Times All-Time Best-Selling Novel by Nobel Prize winning author and really swell guy Sir J. James Ross

hell, if I'm going to have the ambition to buy my own name, I might as well aim for the damn sun, right? If I ever get knighted I might go with "Sir Jeremy Ross" (still available!) because that sounds better, but no need to plan for THAT possibility yet, is there?

I may move this blog to the new location, which I'm sure is entirely possible (read: I don't know if I can do that). I might also abandon this blog entirely one day and start something new there - I don't plan to, but it's reasonably possible.

Until I have books to sell and schedules to promote, I'm just using that location to hold down my domain. It's a highly recommendable idea... if you choose to live based on the assumption that yes, eventually, someone will just put your name in the address bar and hit "go". Intentionally. Hoping to visit your site. Having assumed that it exists. Sounds really likely when you put it that way, huh?

Shades of Milk and Honey by Mary Robinette Kowal - Guilt is for the Tasteless

One of you people accused me of reading lots of romance novels. Wrongly, but not without just cause: I know some specialized vocabulary. I actually know a lot of specialized vocabulary; for instance, thanks to Howard Tayler, I know that "ablative meat" refers to people who only exist to be shot ("ablative" is my favorite word of all time - 'grats to Tayler for incorporating it into complete sentences, it's harder than it seems)

But specifically, I exhibited knowledge of vocabulary from the 19th century, like "estate" and "majority" in the sense they were meant at the time (that is, their proper sense). I don't really know the specific source of this knowledge, but I can say with some confidence that it didn't come from romance novels set in that era. Nothing to disparage that genre - it's not my particular focus, but it's perfectly fine in its own way just as fantasy is in its own way. I will say that I've read at least one pure romance novel - it was free on the Kindle, like so many other books; it was not regency-era romance, it involved vampires and witches and really wasn't that good, but hell it was free. I don't even remember the title, though I suppose you can look it up in my reading history on Goodreads (link to the right, under "Recent Reads").

Today, I finished something else that might be categorized as a regency romance novel, not unlike books with titles like "At the Duke's Pleasure" or something similar, which seem to be remarkably common these days (I may not read them, but I fold signs for them every week at work). Not having read any selection of the more common romances, I cannot with confidence compare them to Shades of Milk and Honey by Mary Robinette Kowal. I have some small confidence that they do not involve any magic, even to the relatively minor degree to which Kowal's book does. And judging by their covers, I speculate that they include a lot more, uh, naked time as well.

First, some proper and fair disclosure. I might not in the normal order of things have discovered Ms. Kowal's book; the author gained my attention after several appearances on my favorite podcast, Writing Excuses - yes, this podcast has been influential on me, and yes, I'm trying to limit its ability to dictate my behavior, but no, I do not allow my intent to maintain personal integrity to prevent me from discovering new and interesting things that happen to come from this particular source. Mary Robinette Kowal demonstrated a remarkable intelligence and insight in the podcast that caught my attention - she does work with puppetry, and has a very different set of insights compared to the general run of podcasters, so it seemed all the more insightful for being unique. So naturally I eventually got around to reading her book (one of them, anyway; Scenting the Dark isn't available on the kindle).

In five words, I was very much pleased. It's not exactly the sort of thing I go out of my way for, but I don't regret the experience. Shades of Milk and Honey is, at its core, a very Austin-like romance story (and no, I haven't actually read any Jane Austin myself, but I have seen a movie or two courtesy of my dear wife Kathryn). It incorporates magic, but treats it as art, and as a story element it's no more extraordinary than painting; indeed, in a more mundane setting, painting could and likely would have served the very same purpose for the plot. I liked Kowal's glamour, however; it worked well as a magic and as an art, I had no trouble accepting it as part of society. She did touch on some interesting applications for the military, but since none of the story actually took place in a military setting, these complex military glamours were not in the least important to the story and in the end didn't matter. It's interesting to wonder how they might be applied, of course; that's maybe one of the hallmarks of a really great magic system. Kowal applied it thoroughly and well to the domestic settings of the book, like any properly developed magic would be in such a society, leaving no obvious holes to leave the reader asking, "Why don't they just fix that with magic?" like one might otherwise have asked.

But enough analysis of her magic system. As I said, it's not terribly important to the story. The actual story is a great romance story; right up to the end, it's never quite clear how it's going to work out. Oh, I had suspicions, of course; I patently refuse to even hint towards spoiling, since I doubt many of my followers have read the book, but I was pleased with the twist(s). It(they?) was(were?) sufficiently foreshadowed; in fact, I could have stood for it to come with less warning, but then again I also figured out the entire plot of Shutter Island before ever setting eye to page, so maybe I just overthink and overpredict things - not a fair comparison; the preview for that movie broadcast its twists for all the world to see, and by the time they revealed the name of the villain's name in the book (an anagram of the hero's) I had my suspicions confirmed. I digress.

The ending was quite nice; I shall not spoil anything, but it worked out well. Maybe just a hint of Deus ex Machina, but perfectly appropriate for the subject matter. It kept me guessing well into the second or third act, if you choose to define in in a three-act structure. All of Kowal's characters were very believable and richly developed, which made them slightly less predictable; Mr. Dunkirk in particular was well-developed, and yet continued to hide further depth that only really began to surface later on. I think it's hard to develop a reserved, private person like Dunkirk, but Kowal did it very well, despite only showing him through the somewhat oblivious filter of Jane Ellsworth. You might think that Jane was a little too oblivious for a person of her age and intelligence, but perhaps getting to 28 without any serious suitors could change a 1820's-era lady's self-image and perceptions of others' behavior. I had no trouble with disbelief, willingly suspended or otherwise.

In short, the book was good and I recommend it to (a) people who like regency-era romances (b) people who like low-magic fantasy and (c) people who like books a lot and want to keep their selection varied. It's not so long that you have to worry about devoting a lot of time to it; I probably spent around 8 or 9 hours reading it, all together. That's maybe two or three evenings if you like reading a lot. A week at most if you're pressed for time. Well worth it, in any case, I assure you.

The main downside is that, if you read very much literature with archaic language, it will only reinforce any existing effects those books may have on you. I am perfectly aware that I have this problem. With any luck, I won't end up reading more of these books until this linguistic style has a chance to work itself out of my subconscious.

Gripe Gripe Gripe

It's hard to wait for something.

I should be better at it than I am, but I'm not.

A Picture Worth 108 Words

Found this the other day online. Yes, there are pauldrons on the first page. No, that's not how I found it. Yes, it's quite awesome.

It is made from metal tacks soldered into a big sphere. I think that the guy made it up in sections, then soldered it into the sphere.

I was looking for a great sphere image that would inspire me; this qualified. And I love how the shadow of the flash looks in it, too.

It can relate to some fun math, but it is not an example. Extra super bonus points if you know how it relates to my favorite number!!!

The Princess Bride is the best movie ever.

I threw down this gauntlet in a text message: any real love story can, or should, be a fairy tale. I intend to prove that with my own story, but first I'll start in super-short-form with William and Kate who are commonly described as having a "fairytale romance"; then I'll do some other couple, with a much less romantic story: Bella and Edward from Twilight. If I can write THAT crap as a passable fairy tale, I'll know my point is proven.

Ugh, I feel sick already. It'll be good exercise. The best cleanser for that will be my own story, so that will come third after the jump.

Please note that for my own interest, I'm changing the setting to a more medieval feel in keeping with typical fairy tales.

William and Kate:

We'll introduce a veil: pretend that Kate doesn't know William is prince because his family is concealing his identity to protect him at school. So.

William is excited to be out among normal people, getting the best education that can be bought - even the royal family can't hire private tutors of the caliber that teach at this school. He's never felt more free; at the castle, his day is rigidly planned and everyone has high expectations, but here at school he's just another student. And like any normal student, he flirts with the girls. They flirt back, it's wonderful to have casual courtship without the formality and plotting that normally accompany his interactions with the opposite sex. He expects an arranged marriage for political purposes [because that's typical in a medieval-European setting], but his dearly deceased mother taught him that true love is the most valuable thing of all, and he intends to seek it out while he has this freedom at school.

Enter Kate, common-born but of a moderately wealthy family. They share classes and a number of interests; before you know it, it's love. He keeps it kind of secret from his family, but poof, secret's out - and Daddy approves! He wants his son to marry for love, and political tides are turning and it doesn't seem likely to matter if William has a political marriage or not. So yay! William proposes to Kate, they have a lavish wedding where everyone wears such nice hats, and they all live happily ever after, the end.

I consider W&K's story to be fairly bland and typical if it were happening to any normal couple, so this proves that making any story involve a prince or princess automatically makes it more interesting. A correlation to "Instant Awesome, Just Add Ninja" except that in that, you can add ninjas to anything; it's the nature of a princess to be the center of the story. That doesn't mean you can't introduce every character as a prince or princess of a different country though; that would be awesome. That would be a very similar setting to Ouran High School, which actually worked out pretty well.

Royals are identified by their fancy dress and deep pockets.

Edward and Bella:

Bella is a poor village girl with pasty skin and lousy judgment. One night she meets a man and falls in love instantly. Things don't go far but pretty quickly they're getting serious; then Edward tells her, "I'm a vampire!" and she says, "Oh! Well, OK, I love you anyway!" And they're both very happy, but love between a vampire and a human can never work. Edward takes Bella to meet his father, the Vampire King, who says, "I'm ok with it if you are. It would be better just to turn her into a vampire though." But Bella is afraid of all the pain and death and stuff, so she says, "um, not until we're married" and Edward says "OK" because he doesn't want to hurt her either. None the less, Edward gets the vampire equivalent of blue balls every time they meet, so eventually he knuckles under and marries her; her parents never know that Edward is a vampire, obviously, but they're very happy that their daughter is happy. 

A few torches and pitchforks later, Edward has taken Bella away somewhere, and they're fine, and Bella somehow gets pregnant even though Edward is dead [dude, get a paternity test, seriously]. The parents are very happy and they give the child a silly name; Edward turns Bella into a vampire, and they all remain undead happily forever thereafter. The end, and thank god they ended it there.

It's still kind of a boring story, especially when you strip it down to its core and tell just the romance part. Wait, did I forget the romance part? Oh yeah, it was the "love at first sight" bit. I wish there had been room to include the parts where Edward was, more or less, threatening Bella with physical injury due to his admitted control issues and literal blood-thirst. Or Bella's strange "marble statue" fetish. But I did intentionally leave out any kind of sparkling, because Gods above, vampires don't freakin' do that.

Now a slightly longer version of my own story with Katie; the original involved the internet, which can't be easily shoehorned into a medieval setting, so some minor details may change.

I guess that's why they call us meat-bags

Going back to a post from a little while back, I was talking about buildings and how big monsters might damage them.
I just remembered something I heard about telling stories; not fiction, but anecdotes, actual stories about actual events that actually happened. One of the most important things the guy said was not to exagerate. The truth is credible, even when it's incredible, and if the story is interesting the truth will be interesting.

If you're talking about a situation where you were driving fast, you don't say you were going 140 mph; that's just obviously wrong. No one believes it, and now they don't believe anything else. If you had been going 95, 98 - that's pretty scary fast. It's also just believable. If you say you were driving 95 mph - and the rest of your story gives a credible reason for you to be going that fast - it's credible, and effectively strengthens the danger and intensity of the situation. Say 140, and you're clearly exaggerating; you can't really get most cars to go that fast anyway, there's supposedly computer controls that keep you from being able to outrun the cops at top speed (police cruisers don't have that limiter). If they know that one thing simply isn't true, then there's no telling what other bullshit you're laying down. Giving the actual number you were going, or a close approximation, adds credibility.

What if you weren't actually going that fast? Then don't make a point of it. Maybe your story is just boring if you need to pretend you were driving fast to make it interesting. Maybe you shouldn't tell your stupid boring story. What does this mean for fiction writers? That you should write things that can actually happen in your fictional universe; moreover, write things that are fairly likely to happen, even in incredible situations. If you have a car chase, for instance, to bring it back to the car analogy - your fictional people can drive as fast as you say they did, but how likely is it? You can't do 100 mph on a city street; you probably can't corner at 70, never mind 90, even if you're writing fan fiction for The Transporter (that character needs fan fiction, I think). Never mind the safety; there are other cars to deal with. High speed chases tend to end in high-velocity collisions in real life, so the longer you drag your chase through the streets of Manhattan the less I'll be able to believe it. Tone it down, make it something that CAN happen - sneaking through congested streets, for instance, or being really fancy and switching taxis at a red light or something - and that feels real. That's credible. And it can have even more tension than the chase scene because I'm willing to believe it's actually happening.

Once and Future Geek

Before I was a husband, I was a geek. That's not a bad thing. I hope it's not a bad thing, at least.

Married life, though, seems to be a bit of a normalizing force. Less time and money to spend on anime and manga (and still I don't see manga as a worthwhile investment anymore - I can read a book in an hour, but it costs $12, how is that fair?), more fun things to do with my wife like cook and garden and stuff. 

And yet...

I've continued to read fantasy books. It's a shift from where I was - less anime and manga, but still generally centered on fantasy and sci-fi/horror etc. I never stopped being a fan, really. I just wasn't the intensely involved otaku/geek/fanboy that I had been before.

And yet...